We went out tonight to an appreciation dinner. The guests of honour were the dozens of paramedics, first responders, firefighters, search-and-rescue teams, pilots, police and other support people who watch over our populace. There was an abundance of food, and very little in the way of speeches or accolades. I hope the first aid people felt honoured.
I felt very self-conscious tonight, and it is nobody’s fault but my own. I live each day in sweaters and jeans, and as time goes on I want less and less to “dress up”. Part of that is being overweight and feeling that I look older than my years.
Despite that, I made an effort to find something which fit, was clean, and did not include blue jeans. I chose dark brown polyester blend pants, rayon top that has become almost too snug, a favourite “shrug” (cardigan), and shoes that were not my everyday Sketchers.
When I walked in, a well-meaning friend remarked that she did not know we were supposed to dress up, and went on a little too long about me being “dressed up”. I quickly toyed with possible responses, but did not want to make a rude or hurtful retort. She hadn’t said that I looked nice, so I just laughed and shrugged.
How could she know that I felt like an old fat cow that just lumbered out from the barn? I didn’t want to burden her with my angst and self-consciousness.
At any rate, because of the great friends we sat with at the dinner, I ended up laughing and forgetting myself. I ate too much again, as usual.
Now that I think of it, most of the folks we chatted with have had more than their share of strife and loss, challenge and woe. It is selfish of me to get so self absorbed and wrapped up in myself when I have such a joyous life.
So … I will “shake it off” and carry on. Tomorrow is Sunday brunch with our friends, and there’s Monday … another day to start “dieting”, and walk more, and quit making excuses.
Hope you are well. Thanks for listening!