I haven’t said much about it, but my little black cat was suffering from a persistent skin infection. Every day for many weeks, I’ve had to administer pills, and she was so patient. I applied ointment daily. Long ago, the lesions were cultured and I was following the recommended course of treatment. I didn’t care about the hundreds of dollars; I just wanted Prin to get better.
Today she was worse, and although Prin didn’t seem to suffer other debility, the spots were unsightly and the infection possibly contagious. How long could I risk infection myself, or keep her confined, or risk transmission to other pets? This has been on my mind daily all this time; we had “cured” the same condition once last year, but it had returned.
I felt defeated, worried, and guilty. Dr. Vogel had said that if the infection seemed to be bothering the cat, we could have put a “cone” on her. I thought, “What would be worse than having itchy spots? Not being able to scratch.”.
So that is it. My beautiful kitty purred while I put her in the travel kennel, mewed sweetly while I drove, and purred while I held her and the vet administered the lethal shots. OMG… I felt guiltier than if she had fought us, but thank goodness I didn’t have that extra trauma.
What do you believe? That she can rest or play with the pets that have gone before? I haven’t always made the best decisions for animals; am I going to have to face the ones that were euthanized because I wouldn’t spend money for treatment, or were “extra” in some way, or they were unpredictable and I didn’t have time to train them? How much suffering on their parts justifies me taking their lives?
Every day on Facebook, I see memes about the “Rainbow Bridge”, a concept which purports that there is a glorious heaven for all pets. It’s a beautiful concept, but with that comes my fear that I will eventually atone.
I have a friend who made me coffee this afternoon when I stopped on the way home from Dr. Vogel’s. With coffee, we had a bit of Baileys … actually a juice glass each, and a little more. I wasn’t finished crying over Prin, but that helped me a great deal, and we talked about many things.
Soon after that, Gary came home from his trip to Winnipeg! Yippee! Nothing reinforces my appreciation of his company and all that he does around this place as much as any length of time without him. Gary took this road trip with his daughter Beth, who expecting a baby in August. (We are wildly happy and excited!)
That’s about all I have to say tonight. I wanted to share about Prin. Nancy, Judy, and some other treasured friends would understand and not want me to feel guilty: thank you for always being there for me and for reading my Blog.